Saturday, February 25, 2012

Feels Like Home

For the past 4 or 5 months I've been studying some of the major religions of the world outside of Christianity, trying to understand where the Universe was leading me, and trusting the Divine to guide me to my personal truth. To be honest, most of them left me dissatisfied. I could agree with some of their beliefs, but others just didn't sit well with me for one reason or another. 

Then I found meditation and zen practice. I love the refreshment of sitting down, quieting my mind, and breathing deeply while listening to chants that speak of love for the Divine. I love living with the understanding that the Divine is in all people and things, and so all should be treated with respect and love. I love trusting that the Universe knows what should happen and that everything is as it should be.

It allowed me to leave behind the fear that had ruled my life when I was a Christian and replaced it with a peace I'd never experienced before. I could trust the Universe with myself and my family. I could love everyone unconditionally. I no longer felt that I was expected to judge everyone, because heaven and hell are here on earth, as we make them through our choices, and each person's path is his or her own. What freedom!

But I still felt like there was more for me. 

When I was a Christian I was taught that witches and anything having to do with them were evil and that I should keep myself as far away from them and their doings as possible. But somehow that didn't include novels, and any time I happened upon a novel about witches and witchcraft I was enchanted by all I read. I felt a draw, a kinship, with the "good" witches - those who were portrayed as being in tune with Nature and seeking to help those around them. I felt this so strongly that I even told some of my close friends that if my family hadn't "gotten saved" I probably would have been a witch. 

So when zen practices left me feeling not quite complete, I remembered the Path I had been drawn to when I was young, when I still knew how to listen to my heart. Meditating was great, and practicing mindfulness in everything I do is a wonderful practice, but I knew there was something more, and this time I had the resources to learn about it. I started reading about Wicca and Paganism, and I knew. 

Have you ever walked into somewhere you've never been before and immediately felt like it's where you belonged? That's how I've been feeling since I started studying Wicca, and every new thing I learn about it confirms that feeling.  

THIS is me. This is who I've always been. This is my Path. 

I'm Home.

I'm just beginning, and have so much to learn, and I'm still not sure where I'll end up. But the joy is in the journey, after all. And I believe combining some of the zen principles with Wicca will make me the kind of witch I'm meant to be.